I had a dream last night that I was lost on a side street in a big city. It was muddy and gray, with rain sluicing down from the sky and then gurgling off in petulant rivulets of muck. The sides of the road were dark and high, not buildings but not land, either. I was trying to walk but it was very slippery and seemed unsafe. I remember being very preoccupied with trying to find a way to get over to the main road. I could SEE it, but there didn’t seem to be a way to get to it. But it was important that I try.
Eventually, the road made a sharp curve to the right and then – voila’ - I was on the main thoroughfare. But, to my surprise, it wasn’t a solid road but rather a canal full of water. (Hey, what can I say? I have weird dreams – ask anyone in my family.) This water was just zipping along so fast and smooth.
I didn’t even have to put out any effort and I was moving along; it was like being on a ride at Disney World.
The rain had stopped where I was, and off in the distance I could see people still stuck on the muddy side streets. Just like I had been. It felt so good to be on this smooth ride because I knew what they were going through. I felt bad for the others, but I was just glad to be back to normal.
I woke up and thought about the dream. Normal. Ha! Aren’t humans funny that way? We think that when life takes all these twists and turns – and gets all bumpy and muddy - that this is NOT the normal situation. Life should be smooth. Life should be nice, without bumps or potholes of any kind. It should be like a highway, all shiny in the sunshine, without all the bumpity bump bump kind of stuff you find on those rural back roads. It should be our CHOICE to go drive on side roads, and then, when we’ve had enough, we head back onto the smooth main road and go on our merry way.
When we’re on cruise control, do we pass by situations without even knowing there’s a problem? Well, I mean, I guess it’s possible. After all, we tend to think that everything must be good if nobody is hollering out to us from the edge of the road. Or is it because we are going too fast to hear them? Either way, perhaps we like to assume that no news is good news because then we can just enjoy the smooth sailing. Without any angst or guilt getting in the way.
But inevitably, life will yank us out of our smooth sailing and dump us onto a side road where, sheepishly, we look around and see we are now slogging through the same mud as the people we passed by, perhaps even pitied, just a day ago. Here, on this muddy, crooked road, no one is glibly speeding through the day. Instead, we’re all focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. Figuring out life as we slog through the situation. We would probably be annoyed as heck if we weren’t quite so preoccupied. I mean, really. What RIGHT does life have to put us in this predicament? That is just not fair.
Fair. A good word to examine (since we’re stuck in the mud anyway). “Impartial and just, without favoritism or discrimination.” Thus, if we say it is not FAIR that we are on this muddy road dealing with a problem, then how can we say it is FAIR if someone else deals with problems, but we don’t? Wouldn’t the universe then be showing us favoritism? Perhaps, then, the more appropriate way to look at life being fair is to EXPECT that EVERYONE will have problems. No-one is exempt (or it wouldn’t be fair).
We will all eventually be pulled off the easy flowing river and dumped onto a side street of wallowing mud.
It's not IF, it's WHEN.
When people complain that ‘Life isn’t fair,” what they’re really saying is I want life to be easy.
So, back to our side streets. We are either on those side streets now or will eventually be on them. We will all slog through them. Sometimes we can merge back onto smoother water rather quickly, but other times a side eddy will tug our flimsy vessels deeper onto a side street. We can still see the main road, see people we know sailing along on it, but we can’t find our way back to it. We are stuck on this side street and the mud is getting thicker. Maybe even the kind of mud that sucks you down, down, down and your only hope is to grab onto someone’s hand before you go under.
My friends, I know why I dreamed what I did. Some people in my life are, right this very moment, slogging through some deep mud. They just want to be back on the main road with all their friends, cruising along like they’re on a boat at Disney World. The same as we all would want if it was our turn on the muddy side road. Instead, life has dumped them onto this wretched road, and they are working so, very, hard to take the next steps. And the worst thing is, the road is so muddy and twisty that they can’t even tell when, or if, it will transition them back onto the highway.
So what does this have to do with anything? Certainly nothing to do with our sweet girl, Sophie (except that dogs can be VERY good at comforting people who might be struggling in the mud).
No, today I am just asking that everyone on the main highway, everyone cruising along without much effort, lean over and peer into the muddy side streets. Is your friend there? Is your family member there? They, just like you and I, are used to doing everything on their own, by sheer force of will, and it feels very awkward and maybe even embarrassing for them to holler for help. Thus, you’re not necessarily going to HEAR anything. Or maybe you’ll just hear silence. But, if you’re looking for it, you will very likely SEE something. Or SENSE something. Silence is not always golden. Ask the questions. Make the phone call. Set up the lunch date.
I had this dream last night for a reason. This group on Sophie’s Couch might be small, but we can be mighty. We can pay it forward. And think about it, my friends - the person we pull out of the mud today might be pulling US out of the mud next week.
Thank you for making this muddy world a better place one person – one friend, one relative, one co-worker, one neighbor – at a time.